Living in Flow by Sky Nelson-Isaacs

Author:Sky Nelson-Isaacs
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
ISBN: 9781623173128
Publisher: North Atlantic Books
Published: 2018-12-17T16:00:00+00:00

Selfless Synchronicity

While being seen as I am has been an important healing for me, it has paradoxically led me to focus more on others. This is a virtuous cycle, because when I direct attention onto others I tend to invite more synchronicity, which benefits everyone.

I have heard some self-help teachers suggest we should “feel the fear and do it anyway.” With my old pair of glasses, the clear message is, Conquer our fear. What a daunting command! Yet through the lens of the heart, there is a gentler way. Sometimes we can find courage by attuning to others in their struggle. Do we notice someone else holding themselves back, afraid to speak up or go for it? We can use our courage to bring about meaningful experiences for them. We receive a gift from focusing on the well-being of others: our fear dissolves. When we act on behalf of another person, we are no longer worried about ourselves. It’s like the other person gives us an excuse to stand out, or at least someone to stand with.

Recently my mother was visiting town, and we set up a dinner date at a pizza place called the Cheeseboard. At the last minute she brought along my nephew, Kiva, a very talented musician. Kiva has been performing in public since he was five years old, but now at fourteen he is more self-conscious. As I walked into the restaurant, I noticed a small band playing, and per my usual practice I took a moment to introduce myself to the band. The bandleader invited me to play a few songs during intermission. I was happy for the invitation but also nervous. I sat down with my family to enjoy some pizza first, and in talking with Kiva and my daughter, Ellie, I learned they were both open to singing with me. Suddenly I was more at ease—now I had a band! At least, I had people to stand up there with me and be in the spotlight. This made my own apprehension more tolerable.

When the intermission arrived, the kids were a little nervous about choosing a song. I remembered that they had sung “True Colors” by Cyndi Lauper together before, so I suggested it. Kiva and Ellie took the spotlight as they traded verses and sang together on the chorus, “I see your true colors, and that’s why I love you.” It was a wonderful moment for everyone in the room, because who doesn’t like to see cute kids performing well in a restaurant? It was a symbiotic exchange: they gave me a sense of purpose, and I carved out the spotlight for them.

Afterward, we sat down and finished our pizza. The experience was gratifying for me as an aspiring musician. But it also turned out to be an example of how living in the flow benefits everyone. The next day I saw my mom again, and she gave me the backstory. My brother had been trying to get Kiva to play at the Cheeseboard for a long time.

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